To Give and Not To Count The Cost

It is now 18 months since my husband died.  It's amazing how the tears still come.
I gave away Paul's bike and cycle helmet to a friend in great need.  It was the right thing to do and I wanted to do it, but giving his helmet away hurt so much. The recipient wasn't aware of how much it cost me to give it away.  When I see him in Church I ask him how the cycling is going; if everything is ok, but really I want him to know that I'm still hurting, that I'm missing Paul and that he is so lucky to have something of Paul's.  But he doesn't understand any of that.  And I don't tell him.

'To give and not to count the cost', I remember learning that line when I was young, but this is when I need to live it, however I'm not very good at it.  But what is the point of giving if it doesn't cost you anything?  If you have alot then giving away one thing is easy, if you have nothing...

Jesus knew the cost but still gave, then just kept on giving. He knew it was the Father's way, the only way so He accepted and surrendered.  I know that has to be the only way for me.