February 19th was Paul's birthday. This year is the 2nd birthday since he died. We didn't do anything special to mark it last year, I know some people do but I don't see the point of celebrating his birthday without him. I know where he is, so why send off balloons, they don't go to heaven. I can't put flowers on his grave as there isn't one. He wanted his ashes scattered, everyone gathering around a gravestone was the last thing he would have wanted.
It's still a few weeks to go, but I received a hospital letter today for my son giving him an appointment on Tuesday 19th February. Is it wrong to say I intend NOT to be miserable? I miss Paul every day but don't want to go around with a miserable face. It's half term and the boys and I will celebrate us and life and will remember Paul with love not sadness. Actually I'm going to cancel the appointment and I suggest a day out. Paul is inside me, in a deep place that is safe and whatever the day is, I love him.
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